Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tiger Woods

You may have heard rumors running around Hollywood. This story is going to come out soon, so I thought I’d come out ahead of it. I have to own up to the truth.
I had an affair with Tiger Woods.

In 2008, I attended a party for the Thousand Oaks tournament. I got plastered that night at the VIP party. I was so intoxicated that I do not even remember what happen. When I woke, I saw Tiger putting on his red polo shirt. I assumed that women had left the room earlier, but I was wrong.

Let me first state that I am not gay. If you are black-out drunk and do not remember what happened, it doesn't count. Tiger and I have never talked about what happened, therefore I'm not gay.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

LiveLinks Phone Sex

(okay, so I threw in some extra words into the title to up my page views).

New Business Idea: LiveLinks for Women

You’ve probably seen this commercial before. It comes on late at night, during shows like Elimidate. I’m sure hot girls sit around weekend nights, waiting for your drunk ass to call them. Women get as lonely as men get horny. Why not provide them some sort of comparable service?
Imagine a man strong jaw line staring into the camera mouthing phrases like…
“Tell me about your day. I love listening.”
“You’re the type of women I’d want to commit to.”
“You’re right, it is awful that Rhonda wore the same belt as Jane.”
“You sound like you would make a really good mother. Do you want children? I want to have at least three.”
“It’s okay, I don’t want to have sex anyway, but can we spoon all night?”